Shmiras Einayim for a City Teen

                     בְּהִתְעַטֵּף עָלַי, רוּחִי וְאַתָּה, יָדַעְתָּ נְתִיבָתִי

בְּאֹרַח-זוּ אֲהַלֵּך טָמְנוּ פַח לִי

I take the subway at least four times a week, and I live in New York City. To do what they preach at my moderately ultra orthodox high school is physically impossible. I do not believe that God would therefore require every Jewish family to evacuate the island for the summer. To quote the LORD, "we are called on by God to live in the world, not escape from it." Therefore it goes without saying that God does not expect me to have such a level of shmiras einayim. What then, does God expect from me?


Rabbi Eliyahu Fink, commenting on article written by Avital Chizhik, said that," Real modesty is to shift the focus from the external to the internal. The obsession with modesty has turned it into the very opposite of modesty. Of course, I realized that the same is true not only when it comes to the way girls dress and the way they view themselves, but in the way guys view women. Constant pounding about the strictness of shmiras einayim has not turned my thoughts pure, but in fact, it has poisoned them so deeply that a true antidote will be difficult to find. Oddly, the only time I actually have any real hirhurim (legit sex) is when I'm thinking about shmiras einayim itself, or the fact that learning the halachos of shmiras einayim has poisoned my mind, and a woman, however slightly non-tznius, passes by. In fact, I think it may happen even if the woman is completely tznius, due to the irony described by Rabbi Gil Student. He basically discusses that we learn from Rus to be modest, even if it means we will stand out as the modest one. Once again, this is not only true from the woman's perspective but the man's also. Tznius women stand out in the city, and they attract attention.


Now, I'm not saying that shmiras einayim should be ignored. The lack of tznius and shmiras negiah at the Israeli Day Parade today (or whatever they changed the name to was horrific. And of course its not like the guys there my age had the perfectly un-perverted mind either. The majority of decent looking girls walking around got noticed. Its just that my mind was also perverted by halacha. The difference? A 90 year old woman wearing a sleeveless shirt.


For the most part, I try to ignore thinking about these halachos, which in turn makes me have less actual hirhurim that are assur. But I understand that hot women are hot women, and that even if you don't have extreme hirhurim immediately when you see someone, its still assur to look at them for their beauty. However, not looking at anyone is impossible, so what is one supposed to do? I try not to look at girls who I find attractive, but of course the first glance of that determination usually has a longer lasting impact anyways. Is it better to look at someone less tznius but less attractive than someone who is more attractive although they happen to be more tznius? Black women tend to have larger breasts and therefore more cleavage showing. But I don't think I've ever seen a black woman that I actually think is pretty. Semi-hipsters tend to wear long flowery dresses, but I generally find them more attractive.
 So for now, I just try to win the battle of my thoughts, whether or not the hilchos tznius strategy is being applied on my side.