A thin philosophical line

i had a talk with my menahel the other day about davening at different minyanim instead of davening with the yeshiva. i have done this a lot because i dislike the davening in our yeshiva and i feel that i would daevn better in  another shul. Im not going to write the entire discussion but it came down to this question : "If we feel we could better serve God in another location, does God want us to go there, or are we where we are because God wants us to try as hard as we can to serve Him to our fullest potential in the place where God currently has us."
It's a thin and deep philosophical line. both sides are dangerous. the general answer is that depends on every case, and one should consult someone who is older ans wiser than he is. Just some food for thought on a day that i cant eat. :p

The Levush Tefillah Paradoxes.

We have to dress the way we would in front of a king. but if i met with a king 3 times a day every week, i would dress relatively casually. but even if you say that one has to dress for every tefillah as if it were a once in a lifetime meeting, i still find problems.
 first of all, there's a difference between the president visiting my house, and me visiting the president in the white house. in the former case i would probably wear dress pants, casual shoes, and a dress shirt. in the latter situation i wold wear a jacket and tie. You could argue against this by saying that every shul/ beis midrash is Hashem's white house, and even when u r davening on the road(or any other applicable nimshal), u have to dress as if u were going to meet him.
secondly, i dont think the Torah ever commanded anyone to be wealthy. a relatively lower middle class citizen who would were a suit to a once in a lifetime opportunity with the president would not be able to afford to wear that for every tefillah. Even if he could wear that one suit that he has, it would become dirtier and more wrinkled and unfit for wearing in front of a king. this defeats the purpose of levush tefillah. and if he did wear that kind of suit every day, he would wear one in better condition if he were going to meet the president. and if he wore a "better condition suit," every day to davening... it goes on and on; i think u get the idea.
so i assume the halacha would tell people to dress according to their class. this disagrees with the hat and jacket principle which says that there is one "befitting for a king" outfit that everyone has to wear. this could be refuted with the fact that poorer people wear hats and jackets of worse condition. this defeats the purpose of the concept of levush tefillah, for Hashem would rather that a lower middle class Jew wear lower middle class clothing, not ripped and dirty hand me down rich man's clothing. (the ibn ezra (i think somehwere during the story of avraham and his malachim guests) says that theres a chiyuv to wear clean clothing during tefillah)
also how could there be a mitzvah to dress like one would before a king if he also has to wear large awkward boxes on his arm and forehead? Even if the king he were meeting was the one who commanded him to wear those boxes, it would still be impossible to fulfill both of those commandments at the same time, and therefore we must not have a mitzvah to wear fancy clothing. (unless you want to be an apikores and say that wearing a hat and jacket is more important than wearing tefillin... :)
i just dont get it. help explain.

Forgive our sins and answer...

when i was younger, i was upset at the anshei Knesset hagedolah for establishing set tefillah. the miforshim on the Torah say that the main  point of tefillah is when one is in a time of need. Having halachos that require us to concentrate on the words we are  saying leaves very little room (shma koleinu) for personal requests.

when i got older, i realized that i should be more thankful. often, i don't have what to ask for. sure, the usual good health, wealth etc. things are necessary, but when they are going smoothly, its impossible to feel desperate for them. feeling desperate is the only thing that causes sincerity, and sincere tefillah is the only real kind.

so i became thankful that we have arranged parts of tefillah for praise, and specific set requests for specific needs. I had something to concentrate on when i didn't seem to care about much else going on in my life. This helped bring me to have a connection with God during my davening, as opposed to just begging him for things when i needed them.

I was reminded of this during Selichos today. There was a paragraph in which the ending line was "Forgive is for our sins and answer us." apart from my problem of not forgiving myself for doing things i knew were wrong, (and therefore i feel awkward asking forgiveness from God) and not willing to admit that the other things (that i have forgiven myself for) were wrong in the first place, i also asked myself, "answer us about what? im not asking for anything. then i thought about the plurality of the sentence. that didn't really help much either, because i didnt really feel to strong of a communal spirit in my yeshiva. and even if i did, im not sure there would've been a mutual agreement as to what we were asking for....

avinu malkeinu relieved me a little bit, if not for the fact that i remembered the days in which "Hashem please answer me," and "zachreinu l'chayim tovim," were contradictory to me.

Likavod U'Litifares

שושנת יעקב צהלה ושמחה בראותם יחד תכלת מרדכי. The Jews were joyous and glad when they jointly saw the techeiles of Mordechai. The Jews rejoiced most when they saw the techeiles of their leader. This was what brought them the highest level of happiness. The war victory and the annulment of the decree issuing their death are put to the side. The victory of garb takes precedence.  The megillah is filled with complex and descriptive portrayal of color and cloth. The first situation where this is the case is when the megillah describes the grandeur of Achashveirosh’s party. The Midrash tells us that Achashveirosh stole the bigdei Kehunah. The megillah describes the beauty of the setting of Achashveirosh’s party in lengthy details. Those terms are similarly paralleled when the megillah recounts the story of Mordechai being paraded through the streets of Shushan. There is another incident regarding garb which is told on a less happy note. When Mordechai heard of the decree that had been issued, he tore his garments and adorned sackcloth. Queen Esther attempted to send him new clothing, but he declined.

ועשית בגדי קדש לאהרן אחיך לכבוד ולתפארת. You shall make vestment of sanctity for Aaron your brother, for glory and for splendor. Truly spectacular garments made out of exquisite materials of all colors, befitting for a king. The Ramban, Sforno, and the Sefer HaChinuch explain that someone of such a high stature as a Kohen, a priest of God Himself, must have a presence of awe. An aura of kingliness and respect. The Sefer HaChinuch goes further and explains that when one has an outer impression of being kingly and respectable; it affects him on the inside. He supports this with the fact that if a Kohen were to perform the avodah without the proper garments worn, his avodah would be invalid. The Kohen’s appearance of awe and prestige are an integral part to his service in the Temple.

Adam Harishon was the first man to be gifted with clothing. The Midrash Yalkut Shimoni tells us that his garments were similar to that of the Kohen’s in their grandeur. The Midrash tells us that Nimrod stole these garments, and then had them subsequently stolen from him by Eisav. Yaakov Avinu adorned his brother’s garments when he went to receive the blessings from Yitzchak Avinu, his father. Why was this necessary? His father had bad eyesight, and besides which, Yaakov had to cover them with fur anyways, in order to give his skin the feel of Eisav’s skin! Yaakov knew that despite receiving the blessing which he received from his father, he would also eventually be given the material blessing which Yitzchak gave to Eisav. However, Yaakov knew that whilst in Exile, his descendants would lose those garments. We have lost that outer impression of respect and kingliness. The Jewish nation in our day and age is the most hated and degraded. There are over 1500 resolutions against Israel in the UN. If you Google the word, “Jew,” the majority of hits on the first page will be anti-Semitic. (However, Google became aware of this issue and fixed the problem.) The average media reporter regards Jews, especially religious ones, with distaste. We seem to have lost our ability to have an outer clothing of being servants of God.

            King Achashveirosh stole the bigdei Kehunah and took the respect of the world away from the Jews and onto his own kingdom. The Jews, after losing our Beis Hamikdash and seeing its spoils being abused by Achashveirosh, not only lost our outer appearance of kingship, but also lost our inner sense of importance as servants of God. They therefore felt it inconsequential to attend the party. Mordechai tore his clothing when he realized that our place in the eyes of the world had been lowered, and it was no longer befitting for us to adorn our presence of glory. When things started turning around, it was Mordechai who emerged parading through the streets in robes of glory and kingship. This symbolized that the Jews were on their way back up and that their redemption was imminent. שושנת יעקב צהלה ושמחה בראותם יחד תכלת מרדכי. Winning the war and saving or lives were immensely valuable and necessary events, but the Jews were more concerned with how they would be viewed by the nations. Gaining outer respect as servants of God affects our inner service of God as well. They therefore rejoiced the most when they saw their leader re-adorn his vestments of kingliness and prestige.

            Perhaps this can offer insight as to why we dress up on Purim. The story of Purim is symbolized by the back-and-forth battle of outer clothing and appearance. May we all strive to be looked at as a Kiddush Hashem in the way we dress, speak and most importantly, act; whether it be on the street, in school, or in the workplace. And hopefully soon the Jewish nation as a whole will be respected as true examples of servants of God, במהרה בימינו אמן. Have a Good Shabbos and a Freilichin Purim.

Im saying this in front of my entire shul. :/